Judging by the fact that when I have visited the houses of friends and relatives recently, I’ve had mince pies thrust upon me, I am going to have to assume that Christmas is upon us.
Thinking about it, there are other clues: I had to pop over to my parent’s house to help mum get a box down from the loft (“you know your dad can’t manage anymore”); it is suddenly fine for men with ruddy cheeks and big bellies to invite strangers to sit on their laps; people are filling the high streets clutching shopping bags as opposed to cans of beer; the kids at the train station are not kicking a car to death but are singing about “Wesley’s lass…” – who is apparently both “good” and “keen”; and I keep hearing that Wham song about the lost Norwegian explorer, “Larsht Krinchmas…”. Bah humbug! I’m just not in the Christmas spirit this season. I can’t even find the cards that I bought on the cheap in January, so I suppose I’ll have to get some more. Ah, (wal)nuts!
Perhaps I could don my reporter’s hat and pretend that my lack of shopping so far is part of some kind of journalistic experiment. This way I could leave it till as late as possible to order stuff online and then have a great excuse when it doesn’t arrive.
“Yeah, sorry about that, Nan. I ordered you these CDs of Mike Yarwood singing the hits of Engelbert Humperdinck through a funnel on the back of a gondola going down Bury high street, but the bloody web site didn’t deliver it on time. Yeah, I’ve cancelled the order now. Tell you what, why don’t you have the socks you bought me?”
Really, I have no excuse. The Interactive Media in Retail Group (IMRG) sent me an email a couple of weeks ago that included all the last posting dates – second class, first class, and even recorded delivery, and every web site that I might visit has its “last order” dates clearly displayed.
One thing that did strike me is that the date isn’t really getting any l ater. This year the IMRG says that last orders for special delivery have to be in by Thursday 21 December. Two years ago, it said the same thing, though this year may be anomalous because Christmas Eve falls on a Sunday.
Nevertheless, each Christmas sees more and more people shopping online, and this season will no doubt set a new record. But how many are going to be disappointed by lost, late or incomplete deliveries? Internet retailers, feeling drunk with success on Christmas Eve, may well wake up with a monumental hangover come Boxing Day if they don’t ensure that their delivery operations are up to scratch.
