I have spent much of the past three weeks watching daytime television alone. The unexpected side-effects of regular exposure to such mind-numbingly boring drivel are that I have started frequenting property auctions, antique traders and car boot sales. And after witnessing the dregs of society airing their dirty linen on the Jeremy Kyle Show, I too felt the need to address my problems.
The most pressing need was to kick my addiction to television. This was finally accomplished by a trip to the local shopping centre, where I launched my ancient Korean cathode monster off the top of the multi-story car park.
In my condition I wasn’t really supposed to be lifting anything as heavy as a telly, and as I puffed my way up I realised how much I missed having a girlfriend. After all, she could be the one humping the TV up the stairs while I enjoyed the spectacle of shattering glass and splintering wood-effect panelling below.
I am not the only one realising that life could be more fulfilling with a partner. Commentators have suggested that Microsoft’s courting of Yahoo is the result of losing DoubleClick to Google earlier in the year. Although the two firms have been flirting for some time, Microsoft has never really got its hand inside Yahoo’s sweater. I know how you feel, Bill.
So, smarting from its smacked face, the Redmond softzilla has stepped up its efforts, presumably sending flowers, chocolates, mysterious men in sunglasses and sing-a-grams to the Yahoo offices.
But, the courtship won’t be easy. Wall Street, an institution that I imagine as a smooth, crisp-shirted, flashy money-waver, puts a $50bn price tag on Yahoo, which explains why it likes to affect an exclamation mark.
There is of course another young buck in town. While Microsoft is the boring bet – the tank top and spectacle wearing library lurker – Google is the skateboard-riding upstart, raising one pierced eyebrow while swooping away with the beau of the day. Microsoft doesn’t want to bike up to the local hangout to find a Google car steamed up with Yahoo perspiration.
Both relationships seemed impossible a few years ago. But now an alliance seems a certainty. I guess that Yahoo will prefer to get into bed with Microsoft. Not only do the two have complementary product sets – and Yahoo is due to see strong results from its Panama ad system upgrade soon – but they will gain the satisfaction of having one over on Google.
And it has been a while since they could say that.
