In a bid to cut costs we have outsourced the monkeys. No more are they to be found rampaging around the office, smashing into chairs, and photocopying things that really never needed to even be exposed to air – let alone the girls in accounts.
No, from now on, they can be found in Mumbai, answering phone calls about missing utility bills, and trying to make sense of unavailable internet connections.

Our loss is someone else’s loss. Ha!

News
BEA underpins corporate Web 2.0 platforms
Middleware giant BEA has announced its new solutions that it says will bring Web 2.0 functionality to enterprises. The intention is that with similar tools and features to consumer sites, its web application, and search and retrieval tools might become a bit more user-friendly. With any luck the firm might even accept our friend invite on Facebook too. Lord knows, we could do with it. 

More news
Government unveils skills master plan
The government has announced plans to reform its sector skills councils. The move is designed to give employers greater opportunity to shape skills, employment programmes and vocational qualifications to better ensure the UK has the high-end skills employers are demanding. It should also help you avoid people that sit around picking their nose and staring blankly out of windows. Which, in an office environment, is hardly ever helpful.

This is news also
SAP A1S hosted service to go live this year
SAP, the Teutonic software giant, is to release its A1S hosted software suite in September, offering an application suite for midmarket firms. Henning Kagermann, chief executive of the enterprise applications giant, said, “We’ve never done a launch like this in our history.” Which we took to mean that the PowerPoint worked straight off.

Comment
Guy Kewney: A toe curling web cam admission
Ha Ha. We know what you are thinking. But, no, Mr Kewney has not done a Dirty Den. Instead he is talking about being a futurologist, and wishing that he was one with hindsight. Which seems like something of a paradox to us.

IT Week Podcast
This week senior reporter Phil Muncaster talks to Dave Bailey about Italian ISP Tiscali's plans to acquire the voice and broadband division of Pipex. Then they duet on a version of "My Heart Will Go On". Not for the faint hearted. 

IT Week Labs blog
In the labs, they discuss ISP relationships like others do characters in soap operas. Find out which one of the internet providers is in a coma this week, and which one has just woken up and discovered it was all a dream.

Lem Bingley blog
This week Lem is talking about competitions and wondering whether it is worth entering them. We told you to stop watching the BBC, Lem.

Green Business News
Will chuggers save the planet? Or do the charity collecting menaces just ruin the high street?

IT Sneak blog
Where else might you find Germans, bathrobes, rock and roll and the Hoff? 

David Neal blog
Alan Sugar lookalikes, that don't look much like Alan Sugar. What else could you want?